Inspiration

I sit in my desk everyday and everyday I think of many things but one thing remains the same for the past two months...Where is my inspiration? I feel like I lost it somewhere, I might have stagnated at some point and kept just thoughts/dreams of my artistic self...bits of the past and the future...


Right now I am recovering from so many illnesses at the same time, first a flu, then that woman's curse, then a tumor like headache. So conclusion I am bombarded with drugs everyday, for breakfast, lunch and dinner!!! Well, apart from all that...PIANO is the order of the day, my brain just wants it so bad so bad...but yet I find no time for it...I do not know if unconsciously I do not want to or if I forgot to open that can...or effects of the drugs. Might think I am going crazy but I just do not get it...Just a while back I would do anything to have contact with anything, resembling a musical instrument.

My lack of inspiration is also due to the fact that I cannot write anymore...nothing at all and I remember the days when I would not sleep without letting out all the words in my head...
Now I just walk the earth and it is Home, Work and then driving class...plus pills and other boring issues. I am not numb, I am not active..I am just there, somewhere in a lifeless world. What is it I am looking for???

But then Zwang...an epiphany: Everyday I will look for how to achieve that dream..or dreams I have, I will learn more, waste less time and focus more on passions. Talk a lot less and act a lot more. If that does not work then sincerely: Screw you Universe!! Living where I live is bad enough want to eff me up some more??

P.S. You do not have to have great sayings and be all deep...you get there somehow, resources or not...you find them, you invest, and if you have to die tomorrow make sure you die middle fingers up..just in case you don't get there.

So greatest dreams so far are to:
1. Work in the UN
2. Be a photographer for models
     2. (a)and own a camera
3. Open a dance academy/space
4. Play the piano...perfectly
5. Publish a poem book
6. still thinking...planning to write my 100 things i should do before i die or before the end of the year...

If my shoes could talk...

If my shoes could talk then they would tell you how bad it is to walk in my shoes, how probably unlikely you would be able to survive what I have gone through. I know you might think I am sitting here victimizing myself. Well I am...I have a darn flu that made me sneeze five times in a row...ahem intervals of course...and my window at work is busted yes...As I write this, I feel a draft of extremely cold air, nope and I can't deal with that, I will have to get ghetto on that monsterfarter (deemed inappropriate to swear in the first times).
Now back to my shoes, they actually talk and I got them Fixed so many times, and I will get them fixed again, until I can't fix them anymore. I keep them as a memory. The last time I walked the streets of Nairobi, prancing through Adams looking for the last products...*sigh*.

If my shoes could tell you that I have a huge problem and I have been trying to handle it then you would probably know how hard life is when you feel uncomfortable. I wear my shoes because they make me comfortable, one less pain to think about. I feel right but I feel wrong but the right feels much heavier when I wear my talking shoes. And I am only human, I think we all search for a little comfortability when facing a problem, well I think I found mine...And you?

Somewhere along the line I got so comfortable that I forgot myself and thought pffft screw the world...or as Peter would say "screw your feelings", so I judged and ended up taking someone for granted, someone who has been walking for me, with me and beside me for a short/long period of time. But then like any sensible, mean and inconsiderate person, I apologised a million times...well not forgiven. Well unlike my shoes I guess I can't fix everything...
Oh for those who do not get me, my talking shoes are not really talking shoes...oops yeah sorry no magic in here, they just got the sole falling in the front. Go figure!


And i just re-read this and Gosh I am confused...neurons

Hum...What to write!!!

Well, here I am finally...owning a blog. I mean is this like a diary? is this an agenda? thought one may confuse the two but they are different, well in a girl's head, very different indeed.
Now back to me owning a blog...what is a Blog. Please google it, make things easier a little right now, too lazy to do it. I sit here and let my fingers do the walking *oh, I know you want to laugh...* ahem. I have been delaying, avoiding and procrastinating this, always wanted to have one but never really had the guts i guess. You have so much to say but when you got to think about sitting and just let your fingers run free on the keyboard...blam, nada!! So here I go, boring you...I think the first thought was that hum maybe this is just for deep and very good writers, you know, like you need something interesting or inspirational or funny to put down, I mean only God knows if you will read this. Well guess I will make this blog an opportunity to be able to publish my poems and my inner most freakyish thoughts....Like I said uncut right??

Peace and much love