I sit in my desk everyday and everyday I think of many things but one thing remains the same for the past two months...Where is my inspiration? I feel like I lost it somewhere, I might have stagnated at some point and kept just thoughts/dreams of my artistic self...bits of the past and the future...Right now I am recovering from so many illnesses at the same time, first a flu, then that woman's curse, then a tumor like headache. So conclusion I am bombarded with drugs everyday, for breakfast, lunch and dinner!!! Well, apart from all that...PIANO is the order of the day, my brain just wants it so bad so bad...but yet I find no time for it...I do not know if unconsciously I do not want to or if I forgot to open that can...or effects of the drugs. Might think I am going crazy but I just do not get it...Just a while back I would do anything to have contact with anything, resembling a musical instrument.
My lack of inspiration is also due to the fact that I cannot write anymore...nothing at all and I remember the days when I would not sleep without letting out all the words in my head...
Now I just walk the earth and it is Home, Work and then driving class...plus pills and other boring issues. I am not numb, I am not active..I am just there, somewhere in a lifeless world. What is it I am looking for???
But then Zwang...an epiphany: Everyday I will look for how to achieve that dream..or dreams I have, I will learn more, waste less time and focus more on passions. Talk a lot less and act a lot more. If that does not work then sincerely: Screw you Universe!! Living where I live is bad enough want to eff me up some more??
So greatest dreams so far are to:
1. Work in the UN
2. Be a photographer for models
2. (a)and own a camera
3. Open a dance academy/space
4. Play the piano...perfectly
5. Publish a poem book
6. still thinking...planning to write my 100 things i should do before i die or before the end of the year...
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