Man, Woman, attraction and treason

Hello there...is it me you looked for??

Apparently my anniversary...celebrating the lies by omission, break of trust and the etcs of relationships.
Adele is indeed a very talented woman...got me calm throughout the weekend. Got me thinking and strategizing in melancholy...

Now back to the title, we all have heard that a woman's sixth sense is a magical tool that all women tend to ignore, as obvious as certain things may be....we just deny reality and slap it in the face, only to be punched and see victory walk past us, while life (being a b**** that she is laughs at us highlighting those tiny stars dancing around your head) just is life, and she reminds it everytime we think, fairytales are true. So for the first time my senses tingled a bit too much, and I was forced to pursue this search for finding out the truth...now do not get me worng, my life has not yet gone that pathetic but somehow seeing just brought believing to another level.

This revelation of his temptation was brought to my eyes by surroundings and his own friends. Well story of my life..bla bla bla, "the jane doe" just gave me everything I needed to make sure that there is definetely something there, and damn did I just see the nigga run after like her, like a silly poodle...Sigh...So could he be cheating? is it only attraction? does he need some new meat (I am down with open relationships)? I mean wtf? Why is he suddenly extremely nice to me, yet I am being the last biyatch on earth????

Not sure if I can stand the lies? or the fact that maybe he does not yet know that he feels attracted to her or maybe that he is that naive? I mean, I did insist to be introduced, I did tell him that she would do anything to get him! What did we miss Watson?

INSIGHT: ????? *blank*

He will say that he loves me, that he would not do it in front of me, that this is not that, and that would be this...I remain clueless, but my sense said and I followed, and the gift of sight answered...

I was never been  a believer of "seeing is believing", especially since I was suffering from an internal fever, MIGHT have delirious...but then again there was alcohol...hum there I go being a woman again....So confused. What do you do when suspicions have been confirmed, by both parties. Do I go? do I stay? But I have that bug they call love...There is no such thing as Love. But I believed, then I saw...and amen I believed...so so and so...

By the way I want to become a budhist, this pagan crap is old school now.....:S.

From messages and private lunches, Lord knows where things have gotten. No introduction but I waited for to meet her...yet he acted as if nothing was going on... I need help rethinking what to do. But first things first: GET THAT WALL BACK UP!! Until then I shall be under construction....

CONFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSED...."It is not easy giving up your heart, but even more dificult to get it back"...by N3iriso

Peace and Habit (There is no such thing as Love!!)

Growing up and Stepping out...

There is an issue that has always been controversial, yet it has been defined and explained. Growing up! we all know girls grow up faser than guys and then the boys catch up and then etc's...but reaching maturity is not growing up per se. When do you know that you are growing up, of course despite the fact that hormones are dictating your every cell how to...what if you always had that mature sense in you...when do you say, that you grew up enough...

Growing up, I feel that I did, way before all my friends, all my brothers and sisters...way before myself as a matter of fact...I really do not know. I have always been ahead of time, I know my super ego and control my ego..of course growing up does not mean the extinction of cartoon watching, playing and occasionally doing your daily stupid thing/saying your stupid thing...But there are times that a dose of mature and grown up act has to take the best of it...

Sometimes you see and hear and feel things. but you do not know whether they shoud be said or not. you feel that it is the grown up thing to do...the mature thing, but are we ready to hear these reality checks? I still hesitate on what my feelings towards certain things should be communicatd or not...

Maybe sometimes we just think we are there when we are not....maybe many things should never be said or should be left unsaid...tricy thoughts these are.

One advantage of learning from mistakes also known as gorwing up, is that we are no longer afraid of stepping out of our shell, we take risks, where and when we can...I sense that I am growing with my relationship, but I am growing all alone. I let myself be fooled but what seems to have an age, can thoughts be ranked, can loved evolve? Maybe things I should have not gotten myself into...

I think I should....so what am I? My mouth learnt to open itself and do the mature thing, now it is hard to close it....I wish we could go back in time and repair broken wishes, dreams and lifes...I truly do wish I did not have to grow up and stop believing in wishes...

Work Inter-not-personal relationships.

Working is a new step in the life of a fresh college grad..well not so fresh anymore but I do not have an expiry date just yet...lamooooooooo...I know.

So new job, new people and probation period..bla bla and so goes life. Now, in the place I am working currently, people have been here forever, it is like they were born with the company and plan to die with it...huhuhuh...There is this gentleman who has been here for 35...THIRTY FIVE YEARS..of his life... (I needed to emphasize on that...too long. I mean what? where? how? and most important question WHyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????). Well let us forget all the life factors that might have contributed to that, life is pretty rough on us.

Moving on...when you work (that long), you are given a task, and if you have been here for as long as you tell people you have...then you have to know what your job is and what are the procedures...like seriously. I was once confronted with a problem that I did not know anything about. When forced to ask for help- to the person who is most likely linked to the issue at hand...Guess what: "I do not know what this is? why should i DO THIS?? I am going for lunch now." please do insert yelling here-for a moment i thought they were my parents...uff!!

MAjOR pOkEr face!!! for real I was beyonce speechless on that.(huhuhuhuh)

I mean duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!??? Like respect much?

When did I give them a reason to talk to me like that? wait...who are they?

The trick is do not give them the chance to think that we are pals from the hood, and we prance around to go buy sugar in the corner shop...no dude! I do not get why nobody can keep their calm especially when i know what I am doing and I warned you, that of which I would know best...tsc.

So many incidents I just got to ignore them, I mean no one knows me and I like to keep it that way, otherwise it is party in Mozambique... and my ego does not like those parties...oh hell no!!!

So then today I dedicate this post to not watching you arse and not giving too much of a damn:

Let us work with five:

1. When arriving at work in the morning, say good morning and walk fast to your office pretending that you have urgent matters to handle...a mission to save the world (do not guarantee the pose will take effect!) 

2. When called from a unknown extension, whisper and get to the point (major awesome effect...it does not give them time to talk to much!)

3. When it is lunchtime, call your friend on the way there, on the way out and of course during meal time...and act majorly concerned...(I guarantee this works, they think i am like Voldmort and i am furiously hungry hehehehe). Of course if your have assholy friends like mine who do not pick..or call you in the middle of you faaking a call..then shoot thyself immediately!!

4. Ok so be cool and collected...you are the BAWSS of yourself

5. Then just leave and go home and watch tv..or do those things you promise to do and never actually got to???!!

This has been another torture to your brains. Thank you and come always (pleeeeeeeeeeeease)

PS: when the bawss aint around...the cute rats read comics....AAAAWWWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

The End

Getting Life lived...

Last day of the Month and thank the Good Lord, It is a friday!!!

So ever since I remember me as a person, I have always had this facination with people and how the whole world would be a better place if we all just get along and just hold hands, help each other and dance and sing in the rain...yes...I was *ahem...* extremely obsessively naive. Despite it all, that just fought to grow up with me and here I am today (by the way blame it on my mama!!) still believing that somewhere, somehow I am Powerpuff girl to once again save the day!!!

Well one faithfull day I came to face my greatest enemy....lack of consideration. It was a great battle, I never thought for one moment to surrender, but end of story Big slap in the face, a few tears there and here...waow! Even from people I knew you knew were always going to be there....Guess what, three snaps down and up....B****es are gooooooooooooooooooooooooneeeeeeeee!! Yes people forget easily...very easily. It is like we do good to them and then flash them with that MIB wash memory flash machine thingy....

I wish i had that...damn!

I mean seriously, am I the only one or are there more people out there who feel the same way!! I am not an hypocrite, we all say do good and ask nothing in return, well bros and hoes. Nothing come for free, I just need a little respect and a Hi from time to time...too much to ask?? did that cut off your finger??

So I came here to day to tell everyone, be nice but mind your own life and make sure you prosper and conquer on your own...At the end of the day, you were born alone and you will die alone, noone dies hand in hand...unless you are one of the actors of the Note Book....and YES that movie is awesome....*sniff sniff*. Just like me we should not be spending time worrying too much about other, but remember you and those who care for you!! Life should not be spent trying to figure out why the hell that asshole forgot who and what you looked like!!!

And yes today's short blog is dedicated to my sordid life of giving too much and still stepping on dog shit! Guess we just got to live and learn....accept people the way they are, don't be like me - you will not manage hehheheheh- jokes aside. Had a bad month, but a good month to list down those revolution only a couple of days away till Doom year...and yes I believe that movie - YOU SHOULD TOO...TEREREREEEEEEEEEEEEEN

Life is made to be lived and I am done crying for those who do not remember me...Like I always say...on posts:

Live life to the fullest...

Loving Peacefully

Shipping the Friends and Relations

Dear All,

Started the week like this...Happy bday to my ever adolescent brother...16 years!!! eish and then had one weird sunday.

Night of revelations on my relations. This is the story of a friend of mine who always wondered why all of her friends ended up just hanging and banging...(not like that) with just the friends of their private friend. I mean why do you just ditch the girls night outs or the boys and girl night outs, or chilling and running around with your own set of paranormal people?? It made no sense to me ...I mean her..untill revelation night.

When under the watchfull and judging eyes of the "perfect" women, she was put under the microscope for not being submissive to her all private friend, and not bowing down to him and talking with your head down...comments up and down, on how her struggle for independence is nothing but a little idea of educated women was nothing but peanut butter. So there she was feeling judged by the friends of the other...
Like seriously, women in love, is a sad sight, I mean we all love but HELL NO!!! I am not going to feed you when just like me you are able to two step to get your own damn food.....I mean her! her ! and her! and you mother taught you that you should pray before you get that handful of goodies in your mouth...and also that you are grown enough to put food on your plate....

So brothers and sister I need to understand, is it really that you will always love that submissive lady, or you enjoy the fact that you got a slave under the sleeve whenever you walk around the streets? Does it make you feel better that, she will be your mother? I mean are you looking for a shadow or a partner...sincerely? Do you want a daughter or a lover? Dayum....Frustatioooooooooooooon

But revelation night was good for this...ever since I got back, there have been old friends, and then a private friend, who has now circled me-(hheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer) and result was that she has no friends, but just like the others who she has hated on, she has and lives with the friends of others, who scrutinize you and judge you under their smiley looks, and hence a certain good friend feels the need to control what you do? permission to live has now been handed over to the other half!!!
But due to circumstances, I do not know where I stand, my goals have now been set to other sights, took two steps back and even further...

A new adventure has been designed, and on to find some of her own. Since mine are enjoying life in Kenya, and my return ticket has somehow disappeared, my dear friend can only stay here and live on this on going life...

I guess this is just to say that I miss my friends A lot...sniff sniff
Solution to the problem: ?????????????????????????????????


Peace and Evol (seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!)

Relationtitanics

Ok, so this is the trickiest thing ever...yes I had a phobia for them, thought for a second I did get over it apparently I lied to my sad self..Like seriously I am terrified, horrified by these. Freaky stuff...Yes the word that should not be said...relationships *whisper*- nothing coming through the door...uff!!

It was so much fun when you saw the smurfette a little blue pimp, and eveyone was fond of her, yeah she was the ish back in her blue town man, I mean think about it, anything she wanted she got it. Should have been just like her oh how I should.
But back to the main point when do those ships turn to be titanics sincerely cuz I am just spiralling down or something and I can feel the cold waters on my feet but you see I do not know why and where the Ice hit!

Someone please explain those things to me cuz untill now they are just alien ships to me...there you go, heheheh relationships have just become alienships. Ooooh I am lost somewhere in the Universe, yes was in heaven but now i am just in Mars trying to find life....Anyway so yes you were once in deep love but then things jsut changed, I mean i was mindiong my own thing, not trusting anyone and you know from time to time kicking love in the face so it would not get near me. The typical single ladies forever trials and tribulations.

But of course eventually that one got into just managed to fight off some bushes throught the woods if you get the ditch...ahem now do not let your thoughts get explicit!!!

And wham you get slapped in the face, faced with endless bills from past memories and present actually, should have kept some things closed.

Now I am here stuck cannot let go and do not know what is real and what is not. Should I borrow a gun and keep playing the happy wife or just dive in and see what the deep waters reserved for me. Sea full of sharks and you got small fish by your side...tough choice huh?

Peace with the Happiness on the side please.

Weight and all the laterals...

Been there: the balance; done that: the diet and the damn pointer will not bulge, thought of all types of exercises only to find out that I have weight issues...Hum no i do not, Ii just want to loose the weight that refuses to go? Simple as that. Well I have thought it over and yes i do a weight, sucks for me everyone in my family is as huge as an elephant (extremely exaggerated!!).


But I have seen all the befores and after man, and i believe strongly that some extra curves can just go with a little more effort and fight against succulent, juicy and delicious dishes, I will one day overcome, we shall all overcome. Now sincerely I am african and dang giving up food, or eating and throwing it away just will not do when I got brothers of mine dying from hunger so unjust of a thought, so I gave up that idea...Oops!! Yes I did think that was once a way of loosing the weight and the extra curves but noooooooooope, stop fooling yourselves, it gets you more and more kg's if you love food like me.

Now I have decided to go vegan, not a straight extremist one that would be just lying to myself...ahem, I loves the meat too  damn much. So all green all colours, no red meat, exercise and ahem yeah the alcohol will not go....ahem! but in other news yes white meat all the way even when i crave that nasty, magnificent steak with some fries. I say NO to RED MEAT!!

We shall be seeing how that works out for the laterals and behinds hehehe...

The best way to loose weight they say is to keep eating what you always ate but reduced amounts, How easy can that be??? You tell me

I mean do guys ever think about their weight??? I do not want to look like a model...(fooling you enough?) but i also do not want to look like a mother with three children (not talking to you skinny bitches!! *jokes*). How to i get that pointer to move, man, eish who owns a self made balance, a make you feel good one? heheh hum there goes an idea for a new product....


Bjitos and keep healthy

Inspiration

I sit in my desk everyday and everyday I think of many things but one thing remains the same for the past two months...Where is my inspiration? I feel like I lost it somewhere, I might have stagnated at some point and kept just thoughts/dreams of my artistic self...bits of the past and the future...


Right now I am recovering from so many illnesses at the same time, first a flu, then that woman's curse, then a tumor like headache. So conclusion I am bombarded with drugs everyday, for breakfast, lunch and dinner!!! Well, apart from all that...PIANO is the order of the day, my brain just wants it so bad so bad...but yet I find no time for it...I do not know if unconsciously I do not want to or if I forgot to open that can...or effects of the drugs. Might think I am going crazy but I just do not get it...Just a while back I would do anything to have contact with anything, resembling a musical instrument.

My lack of inspiration is also due to the fact that I cannot write anymore...nothing at all and I remember the days when I would not sleep without letting out all the words in my head...
Now I just walk the earth and it is Home, Work and then driving class...plus pills and other boring issues. I am not numb, I am not active..I am just there, somewhere in a lifeless world. What is it I am looking for???

But then Zwang...an epiphany: Everyday I will look for how to achieve that dream..or dreams I have, I will learn more, waste less time and focus more on passions. Talk a lot less and act a lot more. If that does not work then sincerely: Screw you Universe!! Living where I live is bad enough want to eff me up some more??

P.S. You do not have to have great sayings and be all deep...you get there somehow, resources or not...you find them, you invest, and if you have to die tomorrow make sure you die middle fingers up..just in case you don't get there.

So greatest dreams so far are to:
1. Work in the UN
2. Be a photographer for models
     2. (a)and own a camera
3. Open a dance academy/space
4. Play the piano...perfectly
5. Publish a poem book
6. still thinking...planning to write my 100 things i should do before i die or before the end of the year...

If my shoes could talk...

If my shoes could talk then they would tell you how bad it is to walk in my shoes, how probably unlikely you would be able to survive what I have gone through. I know you might think I am sitting here victimizing myself. Well I am...I have a darn flu that made me sneeze five times in a row...ahem intervals of course...and my window at work is busted yes...As I write this, I feel a draft of extremely cold air, nope and I can't deal with that, I will have to get ghetto on that monsterfarter (deemed inappropriate to swear in the first times).
Now back to my shoes, they actually talk and I got them Fixed so many times, and I will get them fixed again, until I can't fix them anymore. I keep them as a memory. The last time I walked the streets of Nairobi, prancing through Adams looking for the last products...*sigh*.

If my shoes could tell you that I have a huge problem and I have been trying to handle it then you would probably know how hard life is when you feel uncomfortable. I wear my shoes because they make me comfortable, one less pain to think about. I feel right but I feel wrong but the right feels much heavier when I wear my talking shoes. And I am only human, I think we all search for a little comfortability when facing a problem, well I think I found mine...And you?

Somewhere along the line I got so comfortable that I forgot myself and thought pffft screw the world...or as Peter would say "screw your feelings", so I judged and ended up taking someone for granted, someone who has been walking for me, with me and beside me for a short/long period of time. But then like any sensible, mean and inconsiderate person, I apologised a million times...well not forgiven. Well unlike my shoes I guess I can't fix everything...
Oh for those who do not get me, my talking shoes are not really talking shoes...oops yeah sorry no magic in here, they just got the sole falling in the front. Go figure!


And i just re-read this and Gosh I am confused...neurons

Hum...What to write!!!

Well, here I am finally...owning a blog. I mean is this like a diary? is this an agenda? thought one may confuse the two but they are different, well in a girl's head, very different indeed.
Now back to me owning a blog...what is a Blog. Please google it, make things easier a little right now, too lazy to do it. I sit here and let my fingers do the walking *oh, I know you want to laugh...* ahem. I have been delaying, avoiding and procrastinating this, always wanted to have one but never really had the guts i guess. You have so much to say but when you got to think about sitting and just let your fingers run free on the keyboard...blam, nada!! So here I go, boring you...I think the first thought was that hum maybe this is just for deep and very good writers, you know, like you need something interesting or inspirational or funny to put down, I mean only God knows if you will read this. Well guess I will make this blog an opportunity to be able to publish my poems and my inner most freakyish thoughts....Like I said uncut right??

Peace and much love